Living together before marriage is so common today that it barely raises eyebrows.
Maybe you moved in to save money.
Maybe you’re unsure about your partner but didn’t want to separate.
Maybe you already have a child together.
Maybe you feel unsure about your partner and want to “test the relationship first.”
Or maybe… you just don’t know what else to do.
But if you’re a follower of Jesus, you’re called to live by the Word—not the world.
And the Bible has something to say about this.
What Does the Bible Say About Living Together Before Marriage?
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
– Hebrews 13:4, KJV
God’s Word is clear: intimacy outside of marriage is sin. No matter how in love you are.
Even if you live together. Even if you’ve been living together before marriage for years. Even if you plan to get married someday.
Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper. It’s a covenant before God—and it matters to Him.
“I’m not sure if he’s the one yet.”
This is one of the most common reasons women settle in living together before marriage.
You’re not sure yet. You want to test the relationship. You’re afraid to be tied down.
You think: “What if I get married and regret it? What if he never changes?”
Here’s the truth: uncertainty is not a green light to continue in sin.
It’s a signal to step back—not move in.
“God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…”
– 1 Corinthians 14:33a, KJV
When you’re unsure, don’t settle for emotional security wrapped in spiritual compromise.
You don’t need more time with your boyfriend—you need more time with God.
Let Him show you if this is the man you’re meant to marry—or the one you’re meant to let go of.
“To obey is better than sacrifice…”
– 1 Samuel 15:22, KJV
“I’m scared to be in a bad marriage. What if I can’t get out?”
This fear is real. So many stay on the edge of commitment, because deep down they’re terrified of regret.
But here’s what Scripture says about living together before marriage:
Marriage isn’t something to fear when it’s done God’s way.
And obedience never leads to bondage—it leads to peace.
“Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.”
– Proverbs 16:20b, KJV
If you’re afraid of being “trapped,” maybe the real question is:
Is this relationship already giving you peace, clarity, and Christ-centered fruit?
If not, walking away now isn’t failure—it’s wisdom.
“What if I’m still unsure—even after living together before marriage for years?”
You’ve shared a home. Maybe even a child. But deep down, you’re unsure if this is the person you want to marry.
You tell yourself:
“He needs to prove himself first.”
“I’ll marry him when I’m sure… or when he becomes a Christian.”
It sounds reasonable. But, it’s not biblical.
“To obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.”
– 1 Samuel 15:22, KJV
You don’t need more proof from your partner. You need more trust in the Lord.
God does not call you to stay in sin while waiting for someone else to change.
He calls you to step out of compromise—even if it’s hard, even if it costs you something.
If you’re unsure, that’s a sign to pause and seek God—not to keep living in disobedience.
“God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…”
– 1 Corinthians 14:33a, KJV
Peace doesn’t come from prolonging sin. It comes through surrender.
“I’m just occasionally visiting, I’m not living in their house”
You might not call it “living together before marriage,” but if you’re sharing a bed—regularly or occasionally—the Bible calls it something else: fornication.
“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
– 1 Corinthians 6:18, KJV
Sexual intimacy is a gift from God—reserved for the safety, honor, and covering of marriage.
Any other version of intimacy, no matter how committed or emotional it feels, is outside God’s will.
This isn’t about legalism. It’s about protection.
Because God loves you too much to let you settle for love without covenant, closeness without commitment, or security without His blessing.
“We can’t afford a wedding yet.”
Marriage doesn’t need to be expensive.
It just needs to be real.
“But godliness with contentment is great gain.”
– 1 Timothy 6:6, KJV
You don’t need a reception—you need a covenant.
If you’re sharing life already, why not do it under God’s blessing?
If you’re not ready to marry, then honor God by not acting married until you are.
“But we already have a child together.”
God still calls you to walk in holiness.
In fact, now your obedience is even more important—because your child is watching.
“Train up a child in the way he should go…”
– Proverbs 22:6, KJV
Living in sin to preserve a family is not God’s way of protecting your child.
Obedience—however messy or difficult—is the best covering you can give.
“I’m not even sure I want to marry him anymore.”
Then don’t live like you’re married.
Maybe the feelings are fading. Maybe he’s not a believer. Maybe you already feel spiritually alone.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers…”
– 2 Corinthians 6:14a, KJV
It’s okay to grieve that. It’s okay to feel confused. But don’t stay in compromise just because leaving feels scary.
God will give you peace as you take steps toward Him.
“But I love him…”
Love without obedience is not enough.
Not in the Kingdom of God.
“If ye love me, keep my commandments.”
– John 14:15, KJV
Real love doesn’t say, “Let’s stay close, even if it costs us our relationship with God.”
It says, “Let’s surrender this to God, even if it costs us each other.”
“He’s not even a Christian.”
Then you are not equally yoked—and God warns us clearly about this.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers…”
– 2 Corinthians 6:14a, KJV
Don’t stay in a sinful relationship waiting for him to change.
God can save anyone—but you don’t save him by disobeying the Lord in the meantime.
If he’s not leading you closer to Christ, then love him enough to step away.
Pray for him from a distance—but put Jesus first.
“Is there still hope for me?”
Yes. Always.
Even if you’ve made mistakes.
Even if your situation is complicated.
Even if you don’t know what to do next.
There is grace for you. There is healing. There is a way forward.
“Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow…”
– Isaiah 1:18, KJV
God is not here to shame you. He is here to restore you. But only if you have enough faith to allow him to.
So What Should You Do?
If you’re living together before marriage or sleeping together outside of marriage, and you truly want to honor God… here is what repentance looks like.
This won’t be easy.
You might feel scared, torn, or unsure.
But Jesus never promised the narrow road would be painless—He promised it would be worth it.
Let’s walk through it together:
1. Stop all sexual activity until marriage.
Whether you live together or just stay over, this is the first step.
Not to shame you—but to reclaim purity in your relationship.
“Flee fornication…” (1 Corinthians 6:18, KJV)
This means setting clear boundaries. No more overnights. No more shared bed. No more giving your body away without covenant.
It’s not legalism—it’s love for God.
And if the relationship is from Him, it will survive purity. If it’s not, purity will expose that.
2. Create physical space—even if it’s complicated.
For couples who live together, this part feels impossible.
You have routines. Bills. A child. Shared space. Shared life.
But here’s the truth: obedience is rarely convenient—but always blessed.
If you’re not married yet, the home you’re sharing was never meant to be shared this way.
Yes, it might mean one of you moves out.
Yes, it may be financially difficult.
Yes, it may disrupt your child’s routine for a while.
But nothing is more stabilizing for a child than seeing their parents walk in truth—even if it takes sacrifice to get there.
“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”
– Proverbs 28:13, KJV
God will provide. Ask Him. Seek help. Let your church family come around you.
You don’t have to fix it all at once. But you do need to stop acting married if you’re not.
3. Go to God—honestly and humbly.
You don’t have to come with fancy words. Just come.
Tell Him what you’ve done.
Tell Him where you feel stuck.
Tell Him you want to follow Him, even if it’s hard.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
– 1 John 1:9, KJV
He already knows and He’s not turning away from you. He’s inviting you back.
4. Talk to your pastor or someone spiritually mature.
Don’t walk this alone.
If you’re unsure where to start, go to someone who knows Scripture and loves you enough to speak truth—even when it’s uncomfortable.
They can help you:
Discern if you should marry
Make practical arrangements
Find housing options or support systems
Walk with you through healing, repentance, and restoration
“In the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”
– Proverbs 11:14, KJV
5. Decide: Will we marry—or go separate ways?
If you both love the Lord and want to walk in His ways—praise God.
Pursue a humble, Christ-centered marriage. No delays. No pressure for a big event. Just a covenant before God.
But if one of you is not ready to honor God, then you may need to lovingly separate.
And yes—it will hurt.
But disobedience hurts more in the long run.
A relationship built on sin cannot carry the weight of peace.
Sometimes ending things is the most faithful, loving, God-glorifying thing you can do.
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
– Amos 3:3, KJV
Follow What the Bible Says About Living Together Before Marriage
You might feel like it’s too late.
Like the mess is too big.
Like walking away would ruin everything.
But it’s never too late to obey God.
Your child doesn’t need a perfect story—they need a parent who walks in truth.
You don’t need a picture-perfect ending—you need peace with God.
So take the step.
Even if it’s slow.
Even if it’s scary.
And trust this:
“No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.”
– Psalm 84:11, KJV
God will honor every hard, holy choice you make.
And what feels like loss right now may become the start of a life fully blessed and beautifully restored.
